A is for Apple...

Will your children thank you for teaching them the alphabet using fruit, cuddly animals and random objects?

Of course not!

Lets be honest here, with the attention span of children these days you need to grab them as quickly as possible... and at the same time make sure you feed their upcoming geekness because frankly, who doesn't want a geeky child?

Think about it, right now it might be lovely to cheer your child on playing football or playing Pachelbel's Canon in D on their Fisher Price My First Violin but will that last?

Eventually you have to make sure your child is set up for the most important part of their life...

...looking after YOU.

What help is it going to be in your upcoming senility to have a personal rendition of Mozart? That's what CDs were invented for, to make sure that you can listen to fully orchestrated versions of your favourite tunes that have been professionally mixed.

But a child who can not only make sure your computer is fully working and up to date but also redesign your stairlift so it makes the noise of a Star Trek transporter every time it whooshes you up or down the stairs.... irreplaceable!

How are you going to have the best life you can without a child who can hack your Sky Box and get you the Sports and Movies channels free? Not to mention the pornography... after all, porn should be like the buses, free when you reach retirement.

However, until the government realise how they're stiffing (so to speak) the elderly with no Pensioner PornPass a child who can crack those channels is nothing short of obligatory.

This is all without the basic fact that geeks get the best paying jobs and will soon have even more. As the world moves on, technology will get more and more important. More and more huge jobs will be based solely on computers and therefore it's true what they REALLY said in the bible before it was deliberately mistranslated by a shy monk with a hopeful disposition.

The Geek will inherit the earth.

Do you want a child who's job can be easily replaced by a robot? Or one who'll be telling the robot what to do?

Exactly.

So, you say to me, how do we make sure our child's inner geek comes out?

Simple, use this handy Geek's A-Z to teach them from a very young age, because after all, Spot may run, Spot may fetch the ball... but only Superman can fly.

Here's one to get you started...

Do it, you KNOW you want to...